Let's talk about it: Money, Women and Victimhood 💜 (Taraji's breakdown)
Chasing, efforting, fighting and trying to prove yourself will always be a subconscious way of participating in your own destruction and demise.
Choose self.
Validate self.
Respect self.
Love your self.
Winning a fight can look like walking away or doing things differently.
Let's talk about it: Money, Women and Victimhood 💜 (Taraji's breakdown)
This blog post was originally published to my newsletter on December 22, 2023. If you’d like to get my writings delivered in real time to your inbox every week, join my list here. I’d love to have you!
© Ash Johns | In Relation Strategies LLC | ALL RIGHT RESERVED
I usually don't talk much about pop culture…
but I have time this morning, I felt compelled, and money, VALUE and power are the topics we're covering in Day 2 of The Blueprint so I figured, why not?
If you're not up to date, Taraji P. Henson is a cast member of the critically acclaimed The Color Purple, a remake movie of the 1985 film coming to theaters on Christmas Day, that The Oprah Winfrey herself is backing with all her purpley-might (love me some Oprah btw).
A few days ago, Taraji had a tearful breakdown admitting she's considering leaving showbiz due to the mental, emotional, and of course, financial exhaustion of constantly fighting to be paid fairly in the business, noting that Black women in particular suffer from unequal pay and equity issues more than any other group in show business.
Now, this comes a coupla years following Mo'Nique saying the same and suffering massively in her career by speaking up (being blackballed from the industry by the likes of her own—Oprah, Lee Daniels, Tyler Perry to name the majors).
So, same complaint, same hurt, same wound cycle, no change right?
As I scoured the internet looking for what we're not seeing—literally, I fell asleep with my phone in my hand—I realized what the deal is when it comes to pay inequality as a woman, especially Black women.
While I've never had the experience, that I know of, of someone explicitly negotiating my rate down, or choosing to pay me less than what they are or are willing to pay my Euro-descended counterparts, I have had clients leave those less diverse circles, join mine, and enthusiastically declare they received far more value from me, at a much lower price 🙈 much to both of our shock and slight dismay.
(one previous client literally paid over $40k for an OG and very popular life coach, only to feel unsupported, unseen, and disrespected and plundered into a downward spiral of self-doubt and debt that crumbled her marriage and sent her on an RV-ing sabbatical, until we worked together)
That's not the case now though, for either of us ;)
What I've learned over the years of being around executives, c-suites, highly savvy business folks, profit focused entrepreneurs, and listening in on conversations that were not mine to have, is that we are responsible for valuing ourselves and deciding how much we are willing to work for.
we are responsible for valuing ourselves and deciding how much we are willing to work for.
Period.
Yes, I know that stings and all the but, but, buts will start to come up.
I get it.
But I know quite a few women, women of color, and Black women specifically who are and have always thrived in business negotiations and landed on top in all their contracts. They are well paid and wealthy doing what they love.
We also don't see Fantasia or Danielle (Taraji's co-actors) saying anything of the likes which makes me say hmmmm...but that's a bit off topic for now.
I recently had a client who specifically signed up to work with me because she wanted to "pick up on" and "be in the energy of" a woman requiring clients to invest $1888/month to join my mastermind.
Yes, nearly $2k per month for an intimate group journey over 9 months.
(which is nothing compared to what others in the "industry" charge for transformational work, BUT it's what feels good to me, and serves both me and my clients as I know it's the right price point to stretch the women who are right for Elevate Mastermind into the experience and energetics of valuing and investing in themselves, and each other as women, for the first time and at the next level <— read that again. That's just ONE of the ways Elevate initiates you.)
She'd never seen that before from someone like me.
And as a mentor, care worker and community leader she was tired, just as Taraji said with snot tears and a quivering lip on a nationally syndicated talk show, of working with scraps, being ill-compensated for her work, and having to overcompensate by working more.
That's the perfect recipe for falling out of love with your calling, living in resentment and exhaustion, and giving up on an industry you're meant to be a leader in.
One of your buts may be that similar to Taraji, being the first in your fam to do a thing means you don't know what to ask for, how much is the "right" amount, you don't know what you don't know, and you're constantly being underestimated, so therefore feel you don't have bargaining power.
One of your buts may be that similar to Taraji you feel and believe that no matter how hard you work you still won't be good enough for the world to see you as valuable as others.
But what I know...and brace yourself...is that the more that you continue carrying the belief that you don't know, you won't be valued and have to fight (as an identity), the more you're feeding the monster in YOUR world that you want to kill.
And falling apart AS SOON AS you’re breaking through and having the impact you want to have, receiving what you desire, is a form of self-sabotage and abandonment.
This is why we HAVE TO take care of ourselves so we can be present and see what’s truly happening, and not fall into a vacuum of victimhood, exhaustion and overwhelm just as breakthrough is happening (and The Color Purple is breakthrough, trust me)
HERE'S THE TRUTH:
1. The feminine has been devalued in a masculinized world.
And because of this conditioning, we, unbeknownst to ourselves, have devalued ourselves further more by continually participating in valuing our logic, smarts and efforts over our worth, standards and desires.
Several times Taraji says how hard she continues to work to prove herself and position in the industry, that right there is the wound manifestation cycle, hidden in plain sight.
Now, how do you/we change that?
The answer isn't simply to raise your prices and get a better team, I assure you (although these are part of the process of changing this collective belief about women, business, money and value).
But a part of it lies in divesting from the implanted ideation that hard work = higher money.
I have a very juicy story to share to illuminate feminine power, value and choice when it comes to money that I'm teaching about vulnerably and in depth today at 7pm ET as Day 2 of The Blueprint — VALUE.
You can sign up to join us and get the replays of all 5 days.
If you want to change your relationship to money, being valued and receiving your just due with less fight and tears, worry and questioning of yourself, this is the time to sign up.
with love, devotion and trust on my path,
Ash x
p.s. If you don't like what I'm talking about, now is a very good time to quietly unsubscribe and unfollow on social because you won't be able to handle what I've got coming in 2024. With love and respect.
Net net: We as women are the most powerful creational forces on this planet. We quite literally hold and have access to the FULL spectrum of creational power. We birth what we believe and what we allow ourselves to continually absorb.
We have the power to make our lives way better.
We have countless examples of this to focus on.
But at the end of the day, you are The Blueprint.